Tonight

I'm going. Are you?

I've even heard rumors that I'm on the wall...
So come have a drink with me.

Happy Halloween

Plans changed and I don't feel like raising hell or disrespecting the dead, mostly cause it's too cold to do much & I've never been very black metal.... So we're partying at my place with a couple good friends.

This is really a favorite holiday of mine.... <3

More pics later, but this one was from about 10 minutes ago.

Progress.

Me & my son Phoenix.

So for the last 2 years I've been a stay at home mom (full time) and a model (occasionally). And for the most part I've felt hugely cut off from my peers and uncomfortable around other (older) stay home moms. Reasons being: Very few of my friends have kids, and even fewer of them have kids and are able to stay home from work. I was lucky. Most stay home moms are older and don't connect as well to a 21yr old. Nevermind a young mom who gets naked on the interwebs... Which didn't exactly bode well for a healthy state of mind when paired with the fact that for the longest time I thought mentioning my son or my 'normal' life would be a taboo subject to bring up in any connection to my modeling.

So! I've come to the conclusion that my 'normal' life is the essence of what drives me to do any and all things artistic. And that I'm thrilled that my son will get to grow up in a freespirited household, loved and cherished by family and friends, no matter who unconventional some of our friends are I know they love my kid.

It all plays a part in what makes me : me. So while I'm not going to change the intent of the blog to be more 'parentish'.. I'm also not going to omit things from my thought process like I've been doing in the last 2 years worth of posts.

So! On that note, today I met a lovely gal and her son. I'm going to be babysitting her son during the days, and in the new year may even consider turning my place into a small day home for preschoolers. I've always loved kids and kids seem to tolerate me, and if it keeps me from having to sell my soul while acting the part of some sluty beer tub bitch... then I'm all for it.

It's going to be slightly harder to take trips for my modeling, but not impossible. And the income I'll bring in will not only hopefully clear me from the red but help me actually afford some new latex and a few plane tickets for 2010. Because if this all goes as I hope, 2010 will be an eventful year!


I still intend to keep pictures of my boy few and far between but I thought it was fitting for todays post.

Candid

My basement flooded (for the umpteenth time this year). So we finally got a new washer/dryer and it has spurred on this cathartic cleaning process.

I've filled the dumpster twice, taken two large loads to the dump and continue to sort through old 'storage'. I've painted the previously cold concrete walls a warm & mellow chocolate brown. The new washer/dryer combo are a soft metallic blue, and I'm going to install some new shelving which hopefully will be cream & stainless steel. Next I plan on refinishing the worn grey painted concrete floor to a new shade of cream.

My end goal is to have a play space for my son, and a space where I can create in as many facets as I possibly can imagine. Already there is the leftovers of BnD Emporium, which includes a leather sewing machine and the leather making table. I hope to reinvent the leather table for other crafts and maybe some latex repair (my poor collection is in dire need of repair.) So thoughts of everything from pasties to scrapbooking & leather gear is on my mind. Oh and I plan on making it so I can move everything aside to implement a make shift studio, just incase... :)

So even though I feel like I'm terribly behind on messages and that my time would be better spent looking for a pt job, or trying to figure out how to fight the blasted recession.. I feel myself enjoying, breathing and connecting with my surroundings for the first time in a long while. I guess what I'm getting at is, it's liberating to declutter your surroundings cause it's amazing how refreshing it can be for your soul. Making the space my own gives me new ideas and new hope. New inspiration can come from a can of paint.

There's been an void in my creative self and I know it's because I haven't been doing or creating. Even if that's just painting the walls, it's still cathartic. I know it's only a glimmer of happy but I'm content to run with it.

ps. Right now I'm totally enjoying experimental ambiant electronic tunes of these aussies : Solo Andata

Me, a couple wks ago at the Fairmont Hot Springs. note: its' boring.

Ctrl + Alt + Dlt

Error. Freeze. Reboot.

Shot by Adam Collison '06. Second shoot ever.

.

Tired? Confused?

I'm very uninspired with the transient nature of a models lifestyle lately. So uninspired I've considered throwing in the towel.

How can a 21 yr/old ex muse continue without something more then the equivalent of jamming for the sake of jamming (music reference) ... I (desperately) need to create but I need a connection before I feel comfortable opening up again. And shooting without a connection is useless. Well, it is for me atleast. I need trust to make a shoot worthwhile.


Once burned twice shy?

Anyone?

....

Exciting news! ...but *mums the word*... For the moment at least.

I have some very happy news regarding a modeling milestone which is in progress.... hopefully it all goes well. <3 And then maybe soon I'll have some pictures to show.