So I've been trying to wrap my head around this for a long while, and I'll be honest and say that I'm not much further ahead of where I started. The dialog in my head is circular, so perhaps writing it out may help.
Senerio:
Girl starts modeling - meets fabulous photographer & becomes his muse.
They shoot consistently, and there's an instant bond... Girl become model, and awakens a creativity she's not felt before. She feels safe knowing all the concepts she brings to the table are well received, and that his ideas are just as justified and beautiful. Skill levels grow over time and their connectivity is be hard to replicate outside of their pairing. Certainly it's an emotionally based connection, but not relationship orientated. Rather an innate understanding and intrigue?
It's lighting the air on fire and reading minds. It's vulnerability without words, just pictures.
How to continue when that inevitably falls apart?
How can a muse continue being, without anyone to interact with and capture that essence? Does that essence end with the growth of that particular schism? Or perhaps go dormant, awaiting the next spark? Can it come back given the right circumstances?
I'm so torn on whether to work on being a better all-around model and possibly lose the passion by doing so? Or try to find someone else that yearns for that insatiable photographic connection as well. It seems impossible to find someone of the same passion & experience that is interested in what I'm interested in! This turmoil is actually causing me physical pain!
I know that I have met some incredible people in my time modeling but either they don't seem interested, they don't relate to me on a base level or there is that spark but they live so far away that it's impossible to get to 'that' point.
help? thoughts?
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I can't offer you much help, but I know how frustrated you feel. I have such an intense love for beautiful things especially music and photographs. Most people wouldn't know about that by looking at me and I rarely share that information.
I am desperately trying to create the beauty I see in my head and failing to do so. There seems to be a disconnect between my feelings and what actually comes out in the end. I am frustrated because I am not sure where the disconnect is. Is it a lack of skill, a lack of trust of myself, of the model? A lack of experience? I have only been shooting for 3-1/2 years.
I have two 'partial' muses that I work with, though not as often these days because they have both moved away, but there is something missing with them hence the word 'partial'. There isn't a two-way desire to create. Sure, they like being part of the process, and gawd knows they have put up with some crazy shit from me, but I feel as though I need to hold back and that they aren't as invested in the work as I am.
I am not even sure I am putting my thoughts/feelings into the correct words. These two have given me some of my best images and some fantastic;y memrable times, but there is still a connection that is missing. Will I ever find it? That magical connection with true and wonderful muse. I sure hope so. Perhaps many years from now.
Most people do not understand the intense and beautiful working relationship between a muse and photographer. I am awfully close to it, but it is not all there. Once found, can a muse be expected to be around forever? I don't know. I don't think so. In this day and age, lives change so fast, nothing can last forever.